Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
