Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What changed your mind?
Being sober
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
