If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
