I just pynch a tree in the face
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
