Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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