The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
