what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
