The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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