Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Randomize
