I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
