He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
