You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
