you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
