I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
