WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
