Screwed.edu
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
