so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
