he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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