guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
