My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize