Who did Billy Mays play for?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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