Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
