i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
