you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize