I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
