So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
