So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
