so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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