what day is it and did you see me today?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize