Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
