Only a mothe r could love this liver
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
