I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
