dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
