i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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