i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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