That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
