you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
