Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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