I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
