She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
