yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
