She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
