chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
