How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
