hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is Oprah even human
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
