Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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