I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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