you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
