i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I will be naked everywhere
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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