Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
