so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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