And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
