Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
