You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
