You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
