FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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