i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
