Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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