this boner is exhausting
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
