Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
