i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
