I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
