apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
