covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
