I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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