Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The uberlube is also flammable
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
