Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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