And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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